My first STD was from a foam party
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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