Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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