if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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