i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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