Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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