O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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