he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
