I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
