I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
