I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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