Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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