so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
