we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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