Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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