he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
