did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
