period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
