I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
