God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
