I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
