So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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