Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
