the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
