you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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