I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
