you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
