dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
