She said her name was "party"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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