I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
