I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
