you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
