peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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