Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
