be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
