i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
