WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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