I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
