I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
