i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
