I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
