This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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