JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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