So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
