I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
