he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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