I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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