i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
