I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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