So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
