hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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