Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
